


The Griffin-Woods Family

by Poppysocks123



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Angst, Biological babies, Breastfeeding, Clexa babies, Domestic Clarke Griffin/Lexa, Drabble, F/F, Family, Family Feels, Fluff, Lexa is worse than the teenage boys, Random stuff that pops into my head, Religious Conflict, SO MUCH FLUFF, two dorks in love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-04
Updated: 2019-04-17
Packaged: 2020-01-04 22:02:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 13,424
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18352577
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Poppysocks123/pseuds/Poppysocks123
Summary: A day in the life of domestic Clexa and their growing family.





	1. That time Clarke got called a MILF

**Author's Note:**

> Hello,
> 
> I am totally new to this. First time posting on here. I have no idea where this came from so...enjoy!
> 
> Please be kind, I'm delicate.
> 
> (Sorry for any errors)

Summary

"Does the word MILF still mean what it meant when we were younger?" Lexa choked on her coffee, out of everything she expected to come out of her wife’s mouth at 5.30am, that was not it.

‘If you mean mother I would like to fuck, then yes’ Lexa smirked.

 

Or

 

A day in the life of Clexa and their growing brood.

 

It was early Sunday morning, the sun was slowly making itself known across the horizon, bringing what Clarke knew would be another unbearably hot summers day. For Clarke, it was a sight she saw more frequently that she would have liked as of late. She had never been a morning person, always favouring extra time wrapped in her duvet or wrapped around her favourite human whilst in her duvet, she wasn’t fussy either would do.

However, since becoming a mother, Clarke’s relationship with her bed had deteriorated quite drastically over the years, it appeared all her children shared a love of not sleeping between the hours of 12-6am. Begrudgingly, her and the dawn had become well acquainted, she would go as far to say they were becoming quite good friends.

The newest addition to the family, so new, so fresh and so tiny, made his appearance into the big wide world 10 weeks ago, and since then Clarke had not missed a single sunrise. Henry, her beautiful blue eyed boy _(yes Lexa, I know all new born have blue eyes, but these are going to stick, I will finally have a child with my eyes, just you wait)_ favoured the mornings in ways Clarke would never understand, and if she had not birthed him herself, she would have questioned if her DNA ran through his veins at all. To add insult to injury, he also favoured his food direct from the source, so alas, it brought her to this current situation of being up before the sun…again.

“You and I buddy are going to fall out if you do not grow out of this soon” Clarke whispered to an ever alert Henry, who’s lips formed dramatic patterns while taking in his surroundings. He was resting in his bassinet on the kitchen counter, whilst Clarke began the process of brewing some coffee.

“And whilst we are on the topic, mummy’s nipples are sore, you’re going to have to start taking a bottle eventually. I promise you, it’s the same milk… you can watch me pump and everything.

“Then mama can do some night feeds and mummy can sleep, how about it? Doesn’t that sound like a great idea?”

He cooed and smacked his lips together, appearing rather indifferent.

“You know I carried you, I birthed you, I’m the one with the ruined vagina and stretch marks, you practically owe this to me kid.” Henry delivered one of his famous slow blinks causing Clarke to huff.

“I’m not above letting you starve, I promise you I can be more stubborn, who do you think you got it fr..”

“Bargaining and threatening a new born, that’s a low even for you Griff” Clarke spun around to find her wife leaning against the kitchen door, smirking. So cocky, so self assured and that smirk. That damn smirk constantly got Clarke into trouble, the latest evidence of that being the new born resting on the counter.

She thought it would tire eventually, everyone said it would, this attraction, this indescribable feeling Lexa ignited within her. Yet, here they are, 17 years of marriage and still, she leaves Clarke breathless. Not that she would let Lexa know that of course, there’s a time and a place and 5am on a Sunday morning when she had very little sleep was not it. _Lexa knows._

“Well Woods, when you are running on 2 hours of sleep and have a little creature sucking you dry every few hours, we can talk about your coping methods. But until then, I would kindly ask you to shut those beautiful lips of yours”. Clarke clapped back, and turned away _(did she mention what that smirk did to her)_ to continue making the coffee, silently grabbing Lexa’s mug.

It came as no surprise when a pair of arms circled her waist and warm lips trailed up her neck. “I told you to wake me, I would have sat up and endured the night feed with you baby” Lexa mumbled into her neck, causing Clarke to shiver.

“And I’ve already explained how stupid that idea is, there is no point in us BOTH being sleep deprived. And babe, I mean no offense, but you are redundant in his eyes, useless, he’s interested in one thing and one thing only” Clarke pulled reluctantly out of Lexa’s embrace and gestured to her chest.

“Hmmm, well technically that’s two things…and you can’t really blame the boy, if I had a choice I would choose your breasts every damn time. In fact, I am quite jealous he’s more acquainted than I am lately”.

Clarke rolled her eyes and made way to the fridge.

Lexa crossed the short distance to the bassinet and lifted her son into her arms. Bringing their faces together.

Adopting her best serious tone, “Little man, I understand the fascination with mummy’s breasts, I get it kid I do, I mean I reaaaally do, they are so big, and soft an..”

“Focus Lex”

“But bud, we are going to have to learn how to share. How about half the time you…”

“LEXA!!” Clarke hadn’t even bothered to turn around, still busying herself with the coffee, but Lexa knew the expression that would be gracing Clarkes face and smirked.

“Fine, look, mummy needs to sleep occasionally, so we are going to have to learn to take from the bottle. I know it’s going to be a bit shit dude and nobody likes the taste of a fake a nipple.” Pulling a face of disgust to show Henry she really did understand.

“But dude, we are in this together, it’s a win win for both of us if you think about it.

Henry began smacking his lips and burrowing into Lexa’s chest, before he could get fussy she brought her finger up for him to suckle, it appeased him for a moment.

“It means, you can have some boobies, and when you’re not hogging them all the time I can have some boobies. Then when mummy is tired, you and I can get the bottle and bond over our mutual love of mummy’s boobies…doesn’t that sound like fun?” Henry delivered another slow blink and sucked on Lexa’s a little finger harder.

“I’m going to take that as he’s willing to try.” Lexa nodded and looked over to find an amused Clarke beaming at them, holding two mugs in her hands.

“You know, I am beginning to worry about this family’s obsession with my breasts, yesterday it was Jake, today it’s you and Henry, I don’t know what I am going to do with the lot of you.” Clarke brushed past Lexa and made her way back through the house, up into her and Lexa’s bedroom.

“Wa…was that conversation over? What’s Jake done now?” Lexa whined after Clarke, frowning thinking of all the possible scenarios her 17-year-old son could have got himself into.

“What do you think mummy meant by that hmmm?” She whispered to Henry, who eyes opened comically wide before resuming his suckling. Lexa followed, because let’s face it, she would follow Clarke across a floor full of lego if it meant she was close to her. Also, Clarke had the coffee.

By the time she had reached the bedroom, Clarke had thrown open the balcony doors, allowing the warm air to breeze into the room. The sun was higher in the sky now, casting warm glows of orange and yellows across the bed.

Clarke climbed back into bed, Henry’s basket positioned beside her. She sat propped up on her side, sipping coffee, surrounded by the millions of pillows she insisted they have on the bed.

_“All we do is spend our time taking them off and putting them on the bed, it’s a waste of our time babe! They serve no actual purpose, who really needs eight pillows Clarke, eight?!_

_“I do, they look nice and it finishes the room off” Clarke would huff and stubbornly continue piling them on or off to the bed, not wanting to admit, she too was fed up with them._

“Come on then, hit me with it” Lexa sighed joining Clarke on the bed. With her knees slightly bent she rested Henry on her lap, his little feet resting on her stomach, his head supported by her thighs. She grabbed her coffee turning to Clarke, readying herself for another Jake Griffin-Woods story.

“Does the word MILF still mean what it meant when we were younger”? Lexa choked on her coffee, out of everything she expected to come out of her wife’s mouth at 5.30am, that was not it.

“If you mean mother I would like to fuck, then yes” Lexa smirked.

“Now explain”

“Yesterday, I had just managed to get Henry down for his afternoon nap but not before he decided to projectile vomit all over my sweater of course.”

“Rookie move, dude” Lexa whispered, stroking his cheek. He began rooting against Lexa’s hand, a tell tale sign he was hungry. Wordless and like a well oiled machine, he was placed into Clarke’s arms and feasting on his breakfast before Lexa had even managed another sip of her coffee.

“So I just took my sweater off, I had tank top on underneath, fully intending to change into a new top, I suppose now I can see where he was coming from...”

“Focus baby”

“I was making my way to the laundry room, happened to walk past Jake’s bedroom, he had a couple of friends over, the language Lexa, would make even you blush”

“That’s my boy” Lexa received a whack to her arm.

“I mean the twins are like sponges Lex, if they would have heard that kind of language they would have potty mouths before they are even potty trained! So I just popped in and told them to calm down and go outside and enjoy the sun” Clarke offered her pinky into Henry’s firm grip, for some reason it comforted him whilst he was feeding.

“So in other words you burst in there and embarrassed him” Lexa smirked, knowing full well, Clarke at present was mama bear galore.

“I di..I did not burst in, I knocked, calmly entered and explained” Clarke huffed.

“Anyway that wasn’t the problem, they all agreed and packed up and headed outside. I could tell Jake was pissed, so I pulled him aside and he just went off Lex” Her eyes comically big.

“He said that all his friends make fun of him because his mums are younger and a I quote, I am a total MILF who has tits to die for.”

“Well they aren’t wrong there, are they?” Another whack to the arm, this one considerably harder.

“I then have the audacity to walk into his room in a TANK top and sweatpants may I add, you would have thought I would have gone in there topless waving them about”

“Now wouldn’t that have been a sight” A double, extra hard whack.

“Lex come on, he was really upset about it. I mean I couldn’t get much more unsexy, I was in a tank covered in baby sick and SWEATPANTS!”

Lexa couldn’t control herself, and let a laugh bubble out. It was quickly cut short by Clarke’s glare.

“What sweats?”

“I don’t see how that is relevant”

“Not, please baby, not the the black Victoria Secret ones?”

“Wha..how did you know?”

Lexa whistled, “ohhh boy” the grin reappearing on her face.

“What, what does that mean? Stop. Finding. This. So. Funny.” Clarke punctuated each word with a hit to Lexa’s arm.

“Babe those sweats, they are something else, your ass in them” Lexa bite her knuckle to emphasis her point.

“You are disgusting, I thought a bunch of hormonal teenage boys creeping on me was bad enough, but they’ve got nothing on you. You should be offended they are talking so..so derogatively about your wife, not encouraging the behaviour.”

If there wasn’t a baby in her arms, Lexa was sure she’d be getting an almighty Clarke arm cross right about now, she’d have to settle for the scowl.

“Babe, teenage boys, especially on the cusp of turning 18, are disgusting, smelly, jizz crazy, hormonal masses, incapable of focusing or thinking with anything other than their dicks. You are hot, any one with eyes can see that, you take care of yourself and you know we did have Jake when we were super young, so maybe we are a little younger than his friend’s parents” Lexa pulled Clarke into her chest, careful not to jostle Henry.

“Honestly, I think right now anything with a pulse is appealing to them, but if you really are upset about it, I will phone their parents today and we can get it sorted out okay? Lexa felt Clarke shake her head.

“It’s not about them, I couldn’t care less what they think about me, it’s Jake. The poor thing is so embarrassed by me Lex, and that just breaks my heart.

“I think Jake is probably angrier at his friends than you, he’s so protective of you baby, and he obviously doesn’t want to appear uncool in front of his friends either. It’s classic hit out at those closet to you” She stroked Clarke’s hair.

“Will you have a word? He wouldn’t speak to me last night” Lexa nodded against Clarke’s head.

“The boy may be turning 18 but I’m not above whopping his ass for talking to you like that, no matter how upset he is.” Clarke laughed. Henry gave an almighty stretch of his arms, drawing their attention back to him, before settling back down continuing his fest. They sat silently, staring at their beautiful boy, Lexa stroking his cheek. So content.

“Please stay like this forever little man, I don’t want you to ever become a hormonal, horny, disgusting teenage boy” Clarke whispered, kissing Henry’s his head, he had finally started to doze off. _Hallelujah, Clarke was hoping for another hour of sleep before the twins decided to join them._

“Although, I have no idea what I am going to say to him, my knowledge of how to deal with teenage boys and their hormones is shockingly very limited. Must have skipped over that section in lesbian 101.” Lexa whispered, smirking and biting her tongue between her teeth. Clarke elbowed her ribs.

“Such a dad joke, Lexa Griffin-Woods, I’m embarrassed for you.”

Henry well into the land of dreams by now, was gently placed into his basket next to Clarke. She settled against Lexa’s chest, so elated with the idea of getting an extra hour of sleep.

_Their 3-year-old twin girls, burst into their room no more than 10 minutes later._


	2. That time Jake moved away for college.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “He’s not dead Clarke, quit being so dramatic.” Lexa huffed walking past with a dozing Henry on her shoulder before disappearing into the nursery.
> 
> “That we know of” Clarke whispered, sighing, she closed his door and made her way to their bedroom. 
> 
> Or
> 
> Clexa's eldest moves away to college and it causes a lot of feels.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, I'm back!!
> 
> Just wanted to say thank you to everyone who commented on my first ever story on here, I really appreciated them all, it made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.
> 
> Decided to continue doing one shots in this AU. I'll see how it goes!
> 
> Hope you enjoy.
> 
> Love xoxo
> 
> (Again sorry for any errors)

Clarke gently pushed the door to Jake’s room open, and leaned against the doorframe. The room had hardly changed at all, the walls still held pictures and posters of his favourite bands _(“Nobody has posters up in college mum, its not cool. It’s all about the tapestries and shit now” Jake argued when Clarke had the audacity to suggest packing them)_ , his bed, nightstand, desk and wardrobe stood where they had always been.

Yet, for Clarke it had never felt so empty. Gone were the signs of life. If she were to open the wardrobe, she would find only a few items of clothing that didn’t quite make the cut. His desk sat empty, no laptop, speaker, tangled headphones or scraps of paper with half finished doodles, the chair void of piles of laundry. His nightstand was not littered with half empty bottles of water, or books with pages highlighted and corners worn. His bed was made and the floor, well Clarke can’t remember the last time she had seen his floor. _Has the carpet always been cream?_

She laughed. How many times had they fought over cleaning his room, picking his clothing up, putting away his laundry, emptying the trash? And now, now Clarke would give anything to have that back, just for one more day. She sighed.

“He’s not dead Clarke, quit being so dramatic.” Lexa huffed walking past with a dozing Henry on her shoulder before disappearing into the nursery.

“That we know of” Clarke whispered, sighing, she closed his door and made her way to their bedroom.

She busied herself with her nightly routine, listening to Lexa on the baby monitor soothing Henry back to sleep. Sitting on the edge of of the bed, grabbing her phone, she opened a message and began composing a text.

“That’s all the kids down, love”

Clarke hmmm but did not look up from her phone

“I do hope you are texting your secret lover and not our newly college attending son”

Clarke appeared sheepish.

“Who might I add, should be so spectacularly drunk on his first night, that the simple task of replying to a message should be of similar level as cracking Morse code. Not that I endorse underage drinking, of course”

Lexa stood expectantly in front of Clarke, smirking, holding out her hand. Clarke sighed and handed Lexa her phone.

“Caught me red handed’

“Secret lover?”

“Mmmhmm”

“Knew it”

“It’s not you, it me.” Lexa laughed deleting the message and throwing the phone onto the bed behind Clarke.

“Baby, he is going to be absolutely fine, I promise.” Lexa pulled Clarke into her arms.

“But Lexa, he is so far away, what if he’s not ok, what if he needs me, I should just give him a quick call and check he is fi...” Her eye’s beginning to fill, she was silenced by Lexa’s lips, momentarily forgetting about everything.

Lexa pulled away, resting her palms on Clarke’s cheeks, holding eye contact.

“Clarke Griffin-Woods, we raised and incredibly strong, fierce, well rounded and intelligent human, who let’s be honest is probably more sensible and capable of looking after himself than we are of each other NOW.” Clarke nodded smiling, although the tears flowed freely.

“He was parenting us pretty much as soon as he could talk, I mean come on, just last week he wrote me a note to remind me to take my vitamins.”

“He really is something isn’t he?”

Lexa smiles agreeing.

“You always told me, we have to give them our time, our love, our faith, teach them the best we can about right and wrong, and then let them out into the world and trust that we’ve done enough.”

“Do yo...do you think we’ve done enough?” Clarke swallowed.

“Yes, but does that mean the boy is never going to mess up or make stupid decisions?”

“Absolutely not, college is all about finding yourself, trying new things and having the opportunity to make mistakes and learn from them. The difference is, we’ve taught him that  
anything can be sorted out and that we will never judge him, and that we will ALWAYS support and be there for him.”

Clarke took a deep breath trying to clam herself. Lexa was right. (Not that Clarke liked to admit this, it always made Lexa extra cocky)

“You know I hate to admit this but you’re right...” Clarke Whispered.

“What was that baby, sorry I couldn’t hear you?” _(See?)_

“Lexa Griffin-Woods, you are right…about this”

“Of course I am right, I am always right I’ve told you this, you’d think after all these years you would listen to me…” Lexa rolled her eyes, before hugging Clarke again, burying her nose into her neck, breathing in her scent. Home

“We raised a damn good one there Griff, we got the boy to college for Christ sake, we should get a medal or some shit” Lexa mumbled.

“Let’s not get ahead of ourselves babe, we’ve still got 4 more offspring to get to college, one who has not even started school yet”

“You’d think Henry would get his act together…I tell you, these one-year-olds. We should get a sticker then; we deserve at the very least a sticker for our accomplishment” Clarke giggled pulling out of Lexa’s embrace.

“You are such a dork”

“An extremely loveable, sexy, dork though?”

“Debatable”

“Hey”

Lexa tackled Clarke to the bed and began tickling her mercilessly. She straddled Clarke to stop her squirming out of place.

“Stop…STOP, you know I will pee myself if you carry on…LEXA!”

“Oh baby I love it when you talk dirty to me” Lexa did stop, be remained on top of Clarke, her wife really was a sight

“It’s your fault I’m like this, all these babies you insisted we have” Clarke huffed, running her hands over Lexa’s thighs.

“I love you, weak bladder an all” Lexa smiled before leaning down to kiss Clarke. She pulled away after a few minutes, smiling tucking a stray blonde hair behind her Clarke’s ear.

“Stop overthinking baby’ Lexa could see Clarke trying her best, but failing. Miserably.

“Lex…I just miss him an unbearable amount it hasn’t even been 24 hours, I don’t know how to be without him” Clarke confessed.

Lexa sighed and rolled off Clarke, before settling beside her and pulling her into her chest.

“Me too, but he’s got to do this and we’ve got to let him, not matter how much we hate it.”

“Are we growing up…is this what it feels like?”

“I think so” Nodding, Lexa kissed Clarke temple.

“It’s a pretty shit feeling, I don’t like it one bit”

“To think we are going to have to do this four more times…FOUR”

“Absolutely not, who really needs a college education now days anyway, there is no way I am allowing another child of mine to move out of state.”

“To be honest, I think it will be a miracle if the twins make it to college, I’m not holding my breath.” Clarke knocked Lexa’s knee, laughing.

“I mean Clarke, how many more times can we end up in the emergency room with crayons stuck up their noses, you’d think they would have learned by now, shoving things up your nose hurts!”

“Here’s hoping Kindergarten teaches them what we’ve clearly failed at” Lexa exclaimed shaking her head.

“I’m pretty sure they dare each other to do it you know…in their secret twin language, they’ve got to be keeping score or something. And what’s more worrying, is that always seem to know where I hide the crayons, not as daft as they would like us to believe.”

Another silence, they heard Henry gurgle in his sleep on the monitor.

“Well, if there is one good thing to come from no longer having a teenager in the house, it’s this, we can at least stop worrying about being so quiet during sex.” Lexa, her charming wife, blunt as ever.

“Why do you always have to lower the tone.” Clarke grumbled rolling out of Lexa’s arms and off the bed, grabbing the baby monitor and making her way into their ensuite.

Lexa heard the shower come on.

“What it’s true! Henry, Madi and Evie have not the slightest inclination as to what sex is and luckily, all have inherited my sleeping habit of being dead to the world once asleep.” Lexa argued, following Clarke.

“And what about Aiden?” Clarke asked referring to their 7-year-old, extremely bright, ahead of his time second born.

Lexa momentarily distracted at Clarke beginning to remove her clothing.

“We’ve got time, they don’t start sex education in school quite yet, and we can pass up any possible noises he hears as ghosts again.”

“LEXA! You know it took us weeks, WEEKS, to get him back into his own bed after you made up that ridiculous story about ghosts in the house.” Lexa flushed at the memory. _Not her finest parenting moment she’ll admit._

Clarke continued, “because you, I quote, _(yes, she was not above using gestures to emphasis her point)_ panicked and it was the first thing that came into your head when he asked about the strange noises he heard coming from mummy’s and mama’s room one night.” Clarke now in her underwear stood with her hands on her hips.

Lexa smirked.

“One, it’s not my fault I’m exceptionally talented with my tongue and you couldn’t control yourself” Lexa quipped back, cockily, one eyebrow raised. “Two, I would have liked to see what your response would have been in that moment, and three, please do not stop on my account, I was quite enjoying the show.” She gestured to Clarke’s underwear.

“A far sight better than fucking ghosts, that’s for sure.” Clarke stripped bare. Lexa’s smile became insufferable.

“Also babe, I would say mildly talented at best, on a good day. I have to add the dramatics to one, not hurt your feelings, and two, encourage you to keeping going down on me, god knows you can’t handle any criticism. I imagine if I ever complained, I’d never be eaten out again!” With that Clarke, opened the shower door, stepped in and closed in behind her.

Lexa momentarily lost for words, mostly due to Clarke’s comment but also, hello, her wife’s tits and ass were just in full display. _Touché Clarke. Touché_

“Yo…you take that back, right now.” Lexa stumbled, trying to shake the image.

“Sorry babe, I can’t hear you over the water” She began to sing to herself, blocking her out.

Lexa, fully intending to not play into Clarke’s hand, made her way back into the bedroom, trying not to think about her very naked, very wet, very soapy wife in the shower. It was all she could think about.

Not 5 minutes later Clarke called.

“Are you coming to join me or what?” Lexa tripped trying and _failing_ to get out of her jeans fast enough. _The third attempt did it, but Clarke didn’t need to know that. She calmed herself before stepping into the shower. Clarke smirked, she knew, she always knew._

Not three hours later, Clarke awoke to an empty bed. Slightly disorientated, she reached out for Lexa’s side and found it cool to touch. Clarke sat up quickly, it was very rare for her to wake up without Lexa by her side, even when sharing night time kid duties. A slight panic pulsed through her veins.

Clarke glanced at the clock as she grabbed her robe, 3.15. _Strange_. Opening her bedroom door, she made her way across the landing, checking on her children.

Henry was first, the nursery being closet to their room. She fully expected to find Lexa, sitting by the window on the old rocking chair telling wild stories or softly singing. Henry although just one, still favoured nocturnal behaviour, although it was lessening. But no. Henry was snuggled with his favourite worn elephant smushed against his cheek, sucking softly on his pacifier. Clarke stroked his head and left.

Next the terrible twosome, her twins, although had their own separate beds never slept apart. Madi flat on her back star fished, mouth agape, rested at the top, her Frozen PJ’s crumbled and Evie, curled at the bottom, not a PJ in sight snoring softly. The duvet strewn on the floor, alongside every stuffed animal they owned. Clarke rolled her eyes, they were all Lexa that was for sure. She grabbed the duvet and covered her girls, kissing them lightly on the head.

Aiden was last, resting peacefully on his side, Harry Potter _(it’s a classic Clarke, no child of mine will grow up not knowing who the boy who lived was!)_ open next to him. She folded the book, placing it on his nightstand and ran a comforting hand up his back, he sighed in his sleep.

Still no Lexa.

She walked past Jake’s room not thinking anything of it, until she heard quite snuffling coming from inside. She pushed open the door.

“Oh baby” She whispered, her heart clenched.

Lexa sat on Jake’s bed, shifting through an old photo album Jake had to make for a school project when he was in elementary. The project involved collecting pictures of his favourite things and naturally, he dedicated a whole album to Lexa.

Clarke joined Lexa on his bed, pulling her into her arms.

“Do you remember this?” Pointing at a picture of Jake on his first birthday, covered head to toe in strawberry frosting. He had the biggest grin, Lexa and Clarke squished either side of his cheeks, their smiles equally as big. Anya took the picture. You would never have known looking at it, the troubles they had endured.

“Oh god, we had no money, living in that dingy little apartment with the shitty cooker that burnt EVERYTHING including that cake I spent hours making” Clarke huffed.

“You had the genius idea to cut the burnt bits off, resulting in very little cake left and then proceed to cover it in PINK frosting.”

“The strawberry frosting was discounted.”

“He loved it though didn’t he? I remember him just rubbing his face in it, those deep belly giggles, gosh that was the best sound” Lexa closed her eyes reminiscing.

“Anya brought him Lolly (a stuffed lion that never left his side from that moment on) which I believe I saw stashed away in his wardrobe at the dorm you know” Clarke smirked.

“What did Octavia and Raven buy him again?”

“Whiskey” They both said before bursting out laughing. _Dude I saw it on a film, it’s what adults do when one of them has a kid. Usually it’s the men, but fuck that gender conforming bull, you’ve got a kid, so we have to do this, Octavia had explained._

“To wet the babies head wasn’t it or something like that? Lexa tried to recall. “It was the cheapest bottle the store did, that was for sure, tasted horrific.”

“Still we appreciated the sentiment”

Lexa stroked over Jake’s face.

“We were so young Clarke, babies with a baby, how old were we here...19? And completely on our own” Lexa sighed.

“Not completely on our own, we had Anya, Raven and Octavia. We made our own family, our way and you know, I wouldn’t change it for the world” Clarke whispered holding eye contact with Lexa.

“Me either baby”

They sat in silence. Clarke knew Lexa would cave eventually. Not one to be open or forthcoming with her emotions, years of being in the foster system made sure of that. They continued to flick through the album.

“I woke up and I felt panicked, I didn’t know why at first, I checked all the babies and then I ended up in here and I just felt...I knew he wasn’t in the house, which means I can’t protect him Clarke.”

Clarke remained silent.

“Our baby boy Clarke, we left him a six hours away flight away, what if something happens to him?”

“What if he doesn’t make any friends?”

“Did we teach him to cook enough meals?” Clarke cleared her throat.

“Sorry, did you teach him to cook enough meals?” Clarke laughed.

“Does he know he really shouldn’t reheat rice, I mean I read a story the other day about a student dying from food poisoning because he ate really out of date pasta…that’s exactly something Jake would do Clarke!”

“Did we teach him to budget, like does he know coffee can be made at home, he doesn’t need to buy an iced coffee everyday, he’s a bloody stickler for a Starbucks that boy!”

“Does he know that he has to separate his colours and his whites?”

“Does he know that wearing shorts all year round is just about acceptable in California, but in New York they actually have winters, and he CANNOT wear shorts Clarke, did we pack him pants?

Clarke nodded reassuringly.

“Will he be alright if he doesn’t get onto the football team...college ball is tough dude and if you’re only playing for recreation they won’t take him so seriously.”

“What if he gets hurt and I can’t get to him when he needs me?”

“What if someone breaks his heart?”

“What…what if he forgets to call us, or he…he forgets about me?” Lexa finally defeated, eyes wide and full of unshed tears looked at Clarke for the answers.

“I cannot promise that he won’t eat out of date food, spend all his money on trivial things like drinking iced coffee everyday, that he won’t dye his clothes pink, or make the football team, that he won’t wear shorts when its -16 outside, _(you can take the boy out of California, but not California out of the boy)_ , or make friends, I mean if he wants to sit inside and spend hour on his gaming box then so be it, as long as he does not miss any school” She shrugged.

“I can’t promise that he won’t get hurt, or get in fights, I pray he will never his heart broken, but these are matters of life, rites of passage almost. We have take and deep breath and as much as it pains me to say it let him go…let him make his own decisions and mistakes and be there to pick it up when shit does go wrong.” Clarke brought her hand up to wipe the now falling tears, her own eyes filling.

“How did you get so wise in the space of three hours” Lexa grumbled.

“I was given a great pep talk by an incredible strong woman, who knows her stuff.”

“Was she a scary type?”

“Oh yes, you wouldn’t want to cross her.” Clarke placed a soft kiss on Lexa’s nose, causing her to scrunch up her face in the most adorable way.

“I’m sorry, look at me, now who is being the dramatic one? Sitting in her son’s room clutching an old photo album, do I think I’m in some basic Hollywood movie?” Defensive humour, the old Lexa was creeping back in.

“Don’t do that, you’re allowed to be sad, you’re allowed to cry. I am incredibly sad too, we can be sad together tonight if you like, then tomorrow we start again.” Clarke stood up, taking the album and placing it back into the bedside draw. She placed herself in Lexa’s lap wrapping her arms around her neck.

“You know what I can 100% guarantee though?”

“Hmm?”

“He will not forget about you my love.” Clarke smiled. “You are his absolute world, I mean come on, a whole photo album has been dedicated to you, that’s like swearing an oath in kid talk, as serious as a pinky promise.” Clarke waggled her eyebrows causing Lexa to smirk.

“You jealous?”

“Of you and that photo album?”

“Yeah”

“I mean I only birthed the boy, but sure you’re his favourite” Clarke rolled her eyes.

“If it’s of any consolation, you’re my favourite.” Lexa leaned up to kiss Clarke.

“Oh I know, I’ve got Henry too, he’s pretty obsessed with me, I’ll take it.” Clarke mumbled between kisses, before deepening the kiss.

A small cry broke out causing them to break apart.

“Talking of your favourite, his majesty awaits.” Lexa nudged Clarke off her lap. Clarke made her way to the nursery grumbling under her breath about sleeping through the night, Lexa was pretty sure she heard the word bat and nocturnal before Clarke completely disappeared.

She made her way back into the master bedroom, listening to Clarke talking to Henry through the monitor. Lying in bed she grabbed her phone, only mildly ashamed of what she was about to do.

50 minutes later, so very nearly asleep, she felt the sold weight of Clarke’s body behind her. The tip of Clarke’s nose burrowed into her neck and her hand slip under her top to caress the skin of her stomach, a habit of Clarke’s.

“Did you text him” Clarke mumbled after 5 minutes, very nearly asleep herself.

“No, I did not”

“Bull…shit, such a hypocrite” Lexa laughed and pulled the arm around her tighter, she felt Clarke smile against the back of her neck.

“So dramatic.”

_And if Lexa awoke to a message from Jake, detailing his first night at college and with a promise to call later that day to discuss the football results, well then that’s between Jake and her._

_He calls Clarke first._

After phone calls have been exchanged, lunch has been had, Lexa sits in the playroom making finger painting creations with the twins. Wordlessly Clarke approaches, Henry settled on her hip gnawing his teething ring. She pats Lexa’s chest before walking away. Confused Lexa looks down to where Clarke’s hand had just been, and is surprised to find a sticker on her sweater, with the words ‘You did it’ encompassed by a smiling face.

She laughs. Hard.


	3. That time Aiden forgot about his school project.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey dude, you ready to finish HP?”
> 
> “Mum, I don’t want you to get mad” This peaks Lexa’s interest, it is a very rare occurrence for Aiden to do anything that warrants Lexa getting angry. She sits up, looking into his eyes.
> 
> Wordlessly he pulls a blue book from behind his back and presents it to Lexa. His homework diary. Lexa’s heart sinks. Oh please no.
> 
> Or
> 
> Lexa really loves her children, but my God do they test her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello,
> 
> Me again, another drabble. Thanks again for all your comments. I promise I will do a chapter about how they met..it's coming! 
> 
> I hope you enjoy this in the mean time.
> 
> Love xoxox

Lexa loves her children, she really does, They are her pride and joy, the lights of her life and all that …blah blah blah. But just because she loves them, doesn’t always mean she always has to like them.

Sunday nights are chaos, preparing for the school and working week ahead. Clothes had to be washed and ironed, lunches and backpacks packed and baths had.

 

 Lexa’s personal favourite was the weekly ongoing argument she had with her twins. There was not a doubt in her mind that they would follow in her footsteps and become excellent future lawyers, with the way they argued.

 

A small part of her was proud, they were so much like her. However, the much larger part of her absolutely despaired, _they were SOOO much like her!_ Continually, she found her self at a loss for words, she was a well known, well respected lawyer for Christ sake, she cannot be outsmarted by a pair of 5 year olds. _Oh but she was. Daily._ Which brought her to this current, all too familiar situation.

 

“Madeline, get in the bathtub.”

 

“No thanks Mama”

 

“Madi, sweetie that was not a suggestion, it was an order” Lexa smiled with gritted teeth, kneeling at her eye level. Her jeans already soaked from wrestling a squirming Evie into the tub, who was currently pushing herself back and forth creating waves, sloshing more water onto the floor. _“Look Mama, just like the waves at the sea.”_

 

Lexa only had the energy for one twin at a time. Evie was in the bath, that was success enough.

 

“But Mama, you forgotted, I had a bath yesterday”

 

“It’s forgot baby and I told you, you have to bathe daily sweetie, that means every day, look at the colour of your feet.” Lexa pointed.

 

Madi appeared to humour Lexa for a minute, staring at her feet, curling her toes.

 

“It’s fine mama, nothing a wet wipe won’t fix” She patted Lexa’s cheek with her tiny hand and smiled. Clarke that was all Clarke, her daughter was mimicking Clarke. _God she was good_.

 

Lexa tried not to smile

 

“A wet wipe does not do the same as water and soap Madi, you cannot go to school with dirty feet.” Diplomatic. This is what her life had come to, reasoning with a child.

 

“I’ll wear socks.”

 

“Madeline” Lexa blow air out of her cheeks.

 

“Mama”

 

“I can just lift you and throw you in you know”

 

“But then I’ll cry and mummy will come in, and mummy is sick and sad and SUPER grumpy and me not want that and you don’t want that…” She rested her tiny hands on her hips and god damn pouted. She might have been all Lexa in looks, dark curly hair, green eyes but she had inherited Clarke’s stubborn streak.

 

“What is it going to take for you to get into this bath tub” Lexa whispered, caving.

 

“Two cookies before bed AND a hot chocolate with whippy cream” Emphasising her point by holding up two fingers.

 

“One cookie with a glass of chocolate milk. Final deal.”

 

“Two cookies, chocolate milk with whippy cream. Final, final deal.”

 

“One and half cookies, chocolate milk and NO CREAM. Final, final, final deal” Lexa offered out her hand to shake, with a raised eyebrow.

 

Madi smirked and shook Lexa’s hand. “I would have done it for one cookie.” She silently raised her arms for Lexa to lift her into the tub. _See, outsmarted, constantly._

 

Evie perked up. “If Madi is getting extra cookies, then me too” She huffed crossing her arms dramatically causing more water to slosh out of the bath.

 

“Fine, fine, just don’t tell mummy okay?” Lexa held out her hands in surrender. _It really had been a long day._

Henry had been to play group on Wednesday and brought back germs, infected Clarke and they were both currently quarantined in her bedroom. She had been solo parenting most of the week and weekend and she was, to put it lightly exhausted. Her and Clarke were a team and she did not cope well without her. Especially when the terrible twosome knew how to exploit her when she was at her weakest.

 

She began the process of bathing the twins, making sure they scrubbed and washed properly, teaching them the importance of hygiene. _Every opportunity is an opportunity to learn Clarke, she could see Clarke rolling her eyes in her head. Just let them play and have fun Lexa, she would retort back._ Although it was hard with the amount of _shit_ they demanded to have in the bath with them. Toy boats, Barbie’s, action figures, pots, bottles and rubber ducks floated around them, causing a hindrance to Lexa and a distraction for the twins.

“Mama, can we get a baby cat.” Evie asked focusing on washing the doll in her arms hair, rather than her own.

 

“It’s called a kitten, and I’m allergic baby, I can’t be in the same house.” Lexa said, pulling the doll out her arms and beginning to shampoo her actual hair.

 

“You could sleep outside” Evie said, shrugging her shoulders with her eyes shut, as if it was the simplest answer in the world.

 

Before Lexa could could reply Madi stood up, hands on her hips again “If anyone gets to sleep outside it will be me.”

 

“No…nobody is sleeping outside, we are not feral, get downl” Lexa huffed, continuing to wash Evie’s hair and pulling Madi back to a seating positon into the tub.

 

“Plus we have Dave” Lexa nodded to the corner of the bathroom where their old Labrador sat snoozing.

 

“But Dave is so boring Mama, all he does is sleep and poop” Evie sighed.

 

“Yes, he reminds me of two other creatures I know” Lexa mumbled under her breath.

 

“Dave is the best Evie, don’t be a meanie, he’s old like mama he can’t help it” Madi argued. _Oh here they go. “_ Hey, I’m not that old” Lexa cries. They ignored her.

 

“Billy at school has a new kitten and it climbs up things and does like flips and stuff, he’s WAY cooler than Dave”

 

“Well Dave can fetch a ball and…and he likes to lick your toes and that tickles”

 

“He’s gross and has smelly breath”

 

“You have smelly breath…and…and a smelly bum”

 

“I do NOT” Just as Evie was about to reach for Madi Lexa stepped in.

 

“Okay that’s enough thank you” She grabs two towels, wraps the twins up and lifts them both into her arms, one on each side. They squirm but Lexa is strong and a total pro of double lifting by now. They continue to squabble as Lexa carries them to their room, shouting to Aiden that it’s his bath time next as she passes his room.

 

The twins suddenly fall silent and it takes Lexa all of 5 seconds to work out why. Standing in front of them is Clarke in her dressing gown, stuffy red nose, Henry resting on one hip with a equally as red stuffy nose, her hand on the other, looking at the three of them.

 

“Everything okay?”

 

A series of “Yes mummy” echoes around the landing. She raises an eyebrow, studying them for a minute, but then steps aside allowing Lexa to pass. They can’t see her smirking as they walk past sheepishly

 

Once in the safety of the twin’s bedroom Lexa exhales.

 

“That was a close one mama” Madi whispers, Evie nodding eyes wide. They are less resistant to Lexa’s commands after that. They still argue about putting on PJ’s but instead of it taking 20 minutes it only takes her 10.

 

She sets them up in front of the TV, _so sue her for being that type of parent_ with their cookies and milk and heads up to sort Aiden.

 

Compared to the twins, he is a dream. He is fiercely independent and hates that Lexa still has to help him bathe _, I can do it alone mama he whines,_ but he hasn’t quite mastered getting all the shampoo out of his hair yet. They have serious discussions about whether Snape is a baddy, if Dolores Umbridge could get any worse, how they wish they could transfigure into an animal like McGonagall and which animal they would be, _definitely a sloth Aiden would state,_ how Hagrid makes his rock cakes, whether the giant squid in the lake has an actual name. It’s moments like this Lexa treasures.

 

Finally, _finally_ the bathing routine is finished and Lexa allows herself a moment of relaxation. She has a mug of tea and a cookie joining her children watching some animated cartoon. Madi and Evie are snuggled either side of her, Aiden is sitting on the arm chair cuddled up with Dave. She wishes Clarke and Henry were better, making a mental note to bring Clarke some herbal tea once the twins are down. This is when she loves her children the most, this is what content feels like.

The twins go down surprisingly easy, Clarke pops up to kiss them goodnight, they wouldn’t have slept without seeing her, that’s for sure.

 

Lexa reads them a story about dragons, knights and princesses, _Evie’s turn to pick._ Evie fights to keep her eyes open, wanting desperately to know if the princess gets recued and if she marries the prince.

 

Less adored by Madi, who huffs her annoyance at the story, dramatically exclaiming “I would fight that dragon myself, I am stronger AND faster than all the boys in my class and all the knights in this book, I don’t need to be rescued, I rescue my damn self _”_ before turning onto her stomach, huffing one last time and falling quickly to sleep.

 

Lexa has to bite her tongue to stop herself laughing out loud, she doesn’t even have the heart to scold her for using the word damn. _Another thing Clarke doesn’t need to know._

One last kiss to their heads, Lexa leaves the twins. She walks to her bedroom, she checks on Clarke to find her snuggled with Henry, some quiz show on the TV in the background. Henry is fussing, Clarke softly humming and rubbing his back. Clarke smiles tiredly, at Lexa’s promise of tea once Aiden has been put to bed.

 

Speaking of Aiden, she expects to find him curled on the armchair with Dave waiting for her to return. However, the living room is empty, she assumes he’s in the bathroom. Lexa goes about loading up Harry Potter onto the TV, once they finish a book they watch the film, its their thing. They are half way through the Goblet of Fire and Lexa is excited to finish this one.

 

She sits on the sofa, and rests her eyes for a few minutes, listening out for Aiden. It really has been a long week, she cannot wait to snuggle into bed with Clarke, she should be in bed for 9 and she couldn’t be more excited.

 

Aiden clears his throat, standing in front of Lexa, looking pale, with something behind his back.

 

“Hey dude, you ready to finish HP?”

 

“Mum, I don’t want you to get mad” This peaks Lexa’s interest, it is a very rare occurrence for Aiden to do anything that warrants Lexa getting angry. She sits up, looking into his eyes.

 

Wordlessly he pulls a blue book from behind his back and presents it to lexa. _His homework diary._ Lexa’s heart sinks. _Oh please no._

 

Lexa opens his diary and there in black and white, dated two weeks ago is the words 3D solar system model…due for tomorrow morning. Lexa slowly blinks, willing herself to remain calm.

 

“Aiden no, how long have you known about this?”

 

“I forgot about it mama, but Miss Jenson gave it to us 2 weeks ago” Aiden looks down, trying not to cry.

 

“Oh don’t you Mama me, Aiden this is not ok dude, you know when you get homework you are to write it on the fridge so mummy and I can keep track.” Lexa stands up hands on her hips.

 

“We don’t have any supplies dude, nothing, how are we meant to create a solar system, why does it have to be 3D, what’s wrong with good old A4 paper and pens now days?!?”

 

“I..I..I just forgot, I didn’t mean too” Aiden stumbles.

 

“Well I’m sorry Aid, its 8o’clock on a Sunday night, nothing will be open. You waited until the last day to tell me? I’m not magic Aiden, you’re going to have to explain to your teacher that you haven’t done it and face the consequences.” Lexa looked down, her heart breaking at the sight.

 

“But, but mum, I’ll get a zero.” The horror on his face.

 

“Well I’m sorry, that’s want happens when you forget.”

 

“Ok..ay” Aiden sighed, his voice caught on trying to hold in his tears.

 

“I think we are going to have to skip Harry Potter tonight, off to bed.” She hated playing bad cop, but she really was exhausted from the week and this was not ok, he needed to learn.

 

“I am really, really sorry mama, I love you” Aiden reached up and hugged Lexa before running upstairs.

 

Lexa deflated, falling back onto the sofa. Dave had made his way over to the sofa and whined in front of her, resting his head on her knee.

 

“What, don’t look at me like that, he has to learn.” Reaching out a stoking Dave’s ears. He whined again and huffed.

 

“I don’t need to be guilt tripped by you, I already feel shit enough” He nudged her harder, continuing to whine.

 

“FINE, fine, I’m going, I’m going.” Dave softly barked and wagged his tail. Lexa took to the stairs two at a time.

 

Clarke startled when Lexa hastily entered their room, stripping off her still wet jeans and grabbing a pair of sweats.

 

“Aiden has a 3D solar system model to build by tomorrow, so guess where I am going?”

 

Clarke laughed, “Target?”

 

“Fucking Target, on a Sunday night, I swear to god Clarke remind me why we had kids?”

 

“Because they bring us joy, they are the light of our lives, also they will look after us when we are old and grey?” Clarke suggest moving slowly towards Lexa who was pulling a sweater on over her tank.

 

“I could murder him, not only do I have to Target and hunt supplies, I then have to build the fucking thing! I. AM. SO. TIRED. BABY.” Lexa whined, burying her head into Clarke’s shoulder.

 

Clarke soothed her hands up and down Lexa’s back.  “It’s only a 2nd grade project, it doesn’t need to be in great detail Lex”

 

Lexa pulled herself away and looked Clarke in the eye. “Erm have you met me, this is going to be the best god damn solar system that school has ever seen, if it’s got the Woods name on it then it has to be of a high standard” Lexa stated.

 

“You are your own worst enemy” Clarke kissed her lightly, laughing, before making her way back to bed.

 

“Anything to wipe that smug smile off Patricia O’Doyles face when she see’s Aidens model, compared to her sons. Miss my son already has his name down for Yale..bitch” Lexa groaned making a perturbed face, mimicking one of the school mums.

 

“She’s not that bad Lexa” Clarke rolled her eyes.

 

“Don’t pretend that you don’t hate her, do I need to remind you of the bake sale last year?”

 

“You said you would never bring that up again. Fuck it take the credit card, you make him the best damn solar system Target can provide, make sure you include the black hole that has just been photographed for the first time on it too, that will show em.”

 

“That’s more like it baby, I’ll see you when I get back.” One last kiss, Lexa walked determinedly out of the room.

 

_Clarke had never been more in love._

 

“Right Dude, get this on you we are going to Target, I hope you are ready to be up late doing this project” Lexa asked, walking into Aidens room, holding out his sweater, he looked up shocked form his bed.

 

“Wh..what?”

 

“Target, lets go!” He scrambled out of bed, not even bothering to change out of his PJ’s.

 

And if Lexa was up until 1am, having lost Aiden to sleep about 10.30ish, well then the school doesn’t need to know. He got an A+.

 

_The look in Patricia’s face was well worth it._


	4. That time Clexa went to visit Abbey Part One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You going to tell me what’s going on.” Lexa held Clarke’s eyes in the window reflection. She felt the shuddering breath Clarke took in her own bones, she felt the weight on her shoulders. Clarke’s pain was her pain. Always.
> 
> “My mum is dying….sh…she wants to see me.” Clarke’s eyes were cloudy. The plate in Lexa’s hand slipped back into the soapy water.
> 
> Or
> 
> Clexa have to confront their past and visit Abbey.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *****PLEASE READ******
> 
> Hello,
> 
> So some of you have asked for the back story of Clexa in my AU...ask and you shall receive! 
> 
> Now a word of warning, it's not a happy one, but I felt it gave Clexa their strong foundation for who they are today and why their family is so important. Honestly I don't really know where this spawned from. It's pretty angst filled, there's talk of religion and homophobic tendencies that come with religion. I haven't specified what type of Christianity this is, because I do not want to drag any through the mud. I myself am Catholic, and I just want to say that no religion preaches hate, it's when people take their view of what religion means and warp into something it's not when it becomes an problem. Religion is subjective and I believe everyone has the right to believe what they want, whether thats God, Allah, Dolly Parton, Elvis, their pet frog ect ect. You do you!! So I do hope no one gets offended, it was never my intention.
> 
> These one shots, will go back and forth in time. As you probably will notice I do not mention Henry in this part as he is not born yet!! There is no chronological order to these one shots. So no, I have forgotten a Clexa child!
> 
> Please let me know if you want me to continue. 
> 
> Love xoxox
> 
> (ps. sorry for any errors)
> 
> (pps. This is part one, I haven't just decided not to finish it, wanted to get a feel of what people thought)
> 
> (ppps. Sorry if it's shit. I will go back to writing happy Clexa one shots. PROMISE)

Clarke had been worrying silent since Lexa got in from work.

 

To the kids, she was her normal self, engaging in conversation, laughing at the correct times, cutting up the twin’s food while practising spellings with Aiden, asking Jake about the football try outs, reading dramatic bed time stories to make them laugh, kissing them, loving them and comforting them all to sleep. Like normal. But Lexa knew Clarke, better than herself and Clarke right now, was the furthest thing from normal. Behind her eyes there was something…unsettled. It made Lexa’s stomach sink.

 

Lexa stood silently at the sink washing the dishes left from dinner, when Clarke joined her. Not bothering to turn around Lexa watched her reflection in the window. Observing her reach into the fridge and pull out a bottle of wine. She didn’t grab a glass.

 

“You going to tell me what’s going on.” Lexa held Clarke’s eyes in the window reflection. She felt the shuddering breath Clarke took in her own bones, she felt the weight on her shoulders. Clarke’s pain was her pain. Always.

 

“My mum is dying….sh…she wants to see me.”  Clarke’s eyes were cloudy. The plate in Lexa’s hand slipped back into the soapy water.

 

Clarke shrugged her shoulders and left the kitchen. Wine in hand.

 

“Oh…shit”

 

* * *

 

****

_Clarke and Lexa met when they were 15 at a church camp. Yes, church camp. Lexa’s current foster family, whom she had been placed with all of three weeks believed it would do her good to be fully immersed in something they had been practising all their lives. Clarke’s mother, a recent convert to the religion, insisted Clarke went. Quite forcefully._

_Neither believed in God._

_Neither wanted to be there._

_Neither felt there was any good left in the world._

_Neither particularly liked each other._

_In fact, Clarke did everything she could to avoid the tall, brooding brunette the first three weeks of camp, and was quite successful at it. She put Clarke on edge in ways she couldn’t understand._

_However, over the weeks, they couldn’t deny being drawn to each other. It began as shared sighs, eye rolls and uncomfortable moments during religious study. Which lead to them to discovering their mutual love of sarcasm.  Which they then used at every opportunity to get a rise out of each other, laughing at the most inopportune moments. It was the beginnings of the metaphorical glue that would bond them together in ways they could have never dreamed._

_The real moment so to say, came during a nightly game of capture the flag. Each team splitting up, loaded with flashlights and radios. Clarke being Clarke ‘lost’ her radio within 10 minutes of the game, and in a complete panic frantically began searching. Lexa so out of character, reached for Clarke, placing her hands on her body for the first time, patting her down (searching for the radio, she would later argue.) When the radio had been found clipped onto the back pocket of Clarke’s denim shorts. Lexa whispered something that changed everything._

_“I just wanted an excuse to do that.”_

_It was like someone had switched on a light, or that feeling you get when you put glasses on for the first time, when you are blind AF, and see the world for how it was meant to look, bright colours, edges and curves._

_Clarke now understood why Lexa had put her on edge. She liked her. In a way bible study only depicts men and women liking each other. Lexa whispering that, ignited something in Clarke. She looked up to meet Lexa’s eyes and knew she felt it too._

_It appears that metaphorical glue was some next level super shit, because boy did it stick._

* * *

 

Lexa approached her bedroom apprehensively. Resting her forehead on the door, taking a moment to compose herself, before pushing it open. She was not surprised to find it empty. Knowing exactly where Clarke would be. Silently she stripped out of her clothes and headed into their bathroom.

 

Bathing to Clarke, was her special place, a place where nothing couldn’t be sorted or fixed. When they were at their most broke, after being kicked out by their families, sharing a bath was a necessity for saving money on water and heating, after that it became their thing. A place where they were unable to hide from each other, completely bare both physically and emotionally. They would and still do, sit together, spending hours after busy days discussing everything and anything. Their hopes, dreams, worries, darkest fears, dream holidays, politics, children, work, vacations, bills and so on.

 

Sometimes, no words were spoken at all, they simply just drew comfort in being with each other, skin to skin, soul to soul.

 

Clarke looked up when Lexa entered, wine bottle clutched to her chest. Wordless Lexa approached the bath and held up a straw. Despite everything, Clarke laughed. She grabbed the straw and stuffed it into the wine bottle rolling her eyes, scooting forward permitting Lexa to slide in behind her.

 

Once settled Lexa lightly kissed the skin where her shoulder and neck meet, before resting her chin there and waiting. Clarke was forthcoming on many things; her mother was not one of them.

 

Medical however, was something Clarke spoke fluently, so this is where she began.

 

“It’s stage four, originally breast, she underwent a standard double mastectomy two years ago, which pushed her into remission, NEC up until two months ago. She was teaching and forgot the word for craniotomy, which I suppose is a big deal with you’re a brain surgeon huh? Apparently she checked herself into hospital the very same day and demanded tests.”

 

“Sounds like Abbey”

 

“Cancer has metastasised into her lymph nodes, lungs and her…her brain.  Her brain Lex, her frontal lobe has been compromised. Clarke shook her head, trying to process. Lexa waited, just holding her.

 

“The Prognosis is bleak and she’s refusing palliative treatment.” Clarke nodded, swigging more wine, then raising the straw to Lexa’s lips for her to take a sip. 

 

“4-6 weeks…maybe less” Clarke states before Lexa even has the chance to ask.

 

“Fuck.” Lexa sighs, shaking her head, pulling Clarke closer against her.

 

“Tessa, my mums old scrub nurse was the one who called, said she’s suffering from delusions, hallucinations and is not in her right mind. One of the tumours is causing her episodic memory to fail. That means she has trouble remembering events and experiences.

She doesn’t remember Lex, she can’t understand why I’m not there, Tessa says she keeps asking for me, cry…crying for me and for…for dad.”

 

“Baby”

 

“I mean after everything, EVERYTHING she has done and said, she gets to forget about it all? Where is the justice in that?”

 

“I think th…” before Lexa can finish Clarke speaks again.

 

“Does this mean I can’t hate her now? Is this her get out of jail free card huh? I’ve got cancer and I’m asking to see my daughter, who up until two months ago I was completely disgusted with, but now I’m sick and can’t remember, so you should forgive me and grant me my dying wish?”

 

“Baby…babe…Clarke…Look at me!”  She twisted her around so they were face to face, placing the wine bottle beside the tub, she rested her palms on Clarke’s cheeks holding eye contact.

 

“You do not owe that woman anything, you hear me?” She is a vindictive, evil manipulator who does not deserve even an ounce of your time or your love. We can forget the call happened, you don’t have to see her, speak to her, even acknowledge her. We move on with our lives.”

 

Clarke’s eyes filled with tears.

 

“But baby…” Lexa whispered, rubbing her thumb over Clarke’s wet cheek.

 

“I know you and I know, as much as it pains me to say, that if you do not go and see her, you will regret it for the rest of your life”

 

“I hate her Lexa, I will never forgive her…never! I hate that she still has this…this power over me, I hate that I still cry, I don’t want to want to see her, why is my heart telling me I have to go…why?!”

 

“Because you are a good person, who after everything still has love to give, who stills cares, even when a person proves they are undeserving.” Lexa heart broke, watching Clarke fall apart because of her mother. Again.

 

“Listen, you go for you, not for her. You go and you say your goodbyes. You can cuss her, scream, shout, tell her everything you think about her and you get the closure you need.” Lexa wiped Clarke’s tears.

 

“Or my love, you can hold her hand and be there, comforting her as she leaves this world. Whatever you decide I’ll be here, next to you, supporting you.”

 

“How can they ask this of me…how can she expect this of me…how did she have breast cancer and I not know, why did Tessa call me?” Clarke whispered, Lexa shrugs and pulled Clarke into her embrace.

 

“It’s not fair, I don’t want to have to always be the bigger person.” Clarke mumbled into her shoulder.

 

“I know, but you Clarke Griffin-Woods are all your dad, and I know for one he would be incredibly proud of you, who you are, what you’ve become.”

 

“No…he would be disappointed in me” Clarke breathed, pulling back to put a smidge of distance between them, holding Lexa’s eye.

 

“When Tessa called, do you know what I felt?” Lexa shook her head.

 

“Relief Lex, I felt relief...ho…how sick is that?”

 

Lexa leaned up and kissed Clarke gently. “I think that makes you completely human Clarke, she has caused you so much pain and sadness.” Lexa tucked blonde hair out of her face.

 

“I can’t do this without you.” More tears fell, Lexa’s eyes watered too.

 

“You won’t have to; I love you”

 

“I love you.”

  

* * *

 

_When Clarke returned from camp, Abbey was delighted to see she had made such a close friend. She knew Clarke had struggled with the adjustment of joining the church, but the change in her daughter was drastic upon her return._

_When Jake died, Abbey’s whole world fell apart. A drunk driver. Jake was so badly injured he was beyond recognition.  Abbey was on call. She was operating on her husband without even knowing it was her husband. A John Doe they said. A huge cranial bleed, there was nothing she could do. Abbey called it, only to find out 10 minutes later who it actually was._

_With her whole world upturned, distraught, vulnerable she clung onto anything that would help her to make sense of this tragedy, to ease even a slightest bit of the pain she felt. She was a woman of science, of facts, but it had failed her, and she had lost trust in the only system she had ever known._

_Enter Marcus Kane, a minister, a leader who came with words and scriptures so seductive, anyone who was in their right mind could be tempted, let alone someone so grief stricken. His warped view of the God’s teachings became a lifeline to Abbey. The possibility of an afterlife of joining your loved ones again had her hooked. She was told that the tragedy like the very one she had endured, was punishment for her own sins, and the only way to stop this happening again and again was to repent, to bend the knee, to accept God (and Kane) into her heart and to live a life by the book. Abbey did._

_Clarke, who had never been raised with any type of religion naturally fought the system at first, but when she saw the comfort it brought her mum, she learned to bite her tongue. Her life changed drastically, she was pulled out of school and pushed into home schooling like the other children from the church, she was only allowed to associate with other church members. Her world narrowed to church, school, church and more church._

_This was the start of her double life._

_She would attend church with her mother, dutifully play her part, saying what she was meant to when she was meant to, not believing a word of it. At night she was sneaking out and getting drunk with Octavia and Raven in the local park. They spoke of Jake, remembering him, they spoke about their crushes, school, college and their future. Hours were spent, drinking spirits and smoking stolen cigars from Octavia’s grandfather, they thought they knew it all, they thought they were adults. It was a dangerous game of balance, but it worked, and Clarke knew it would only have to last until she could escape and leave for college._

_Then BAM. Enter Lexa Woods. She suddenly found a new fondness for church._

_Lexa, she discovered lived in the neighbouring town all of 20 minutes away. Abbey was silently reprieved that Clarke was finally appearing to be more content and settled, whilst Lexa’s foster mother Karen, was relieved Lexa finally wanted to participate in church activities. She believed that Lexa’s history of being unable to find a family was due to her birth mothers life of sin, which was in Lexa’s blood. Attending church and accepting God into her life would put it right, fix all her problems. Their friendship was encouraged._

_It was a win win for everyone._

_They became inseparable._

_Lexa would trek to Clarke’s neighbourhood on the bus and spend hours with Clarke and vice versa. When together at home they would lay out their religious books or homework as a red herring and spend hours making out, scrabbling to adjust clothing and calm their breathing when Abbey or Karen popped their head in to say hello._

 

_They had many conversations about fate, love, whether they had ever crossed paths before meeting at church camp._

_‘Absolutely not, I would never have forgotten those eyes” Lexa would whisper. After having suck out into the garden, lying side by side star gazing, their pinky’s linked._

_“Do you think we would have met eventually, if we both hadn’t been forced to go to the camp?”_

_“I don’t know what you’re implying, I begged to go, I mean who wouldn’t want to be reminded everyday that what you feel, who you are, is an abomination, I think it really builds character.”_

_“Lex, I’m being serious.” Lexa turned so she was facing Clarke. Lightly bobbing her on the nose to make her smile._

_“Clarke Griffin, there are not many things I’m certain of in my life, but us meeting, I’m so sure was meant to happen, I would bet my life savings on it.”_

_“That whole 20 dollars, Karen gave for for emergencies?”_

_“Yup, I don’t play around.” Clarke smirked, before leaning over to peck Lexa’s lips._

_It was easy, nobody suspected. Why would they? They played their parts well, they did everything that was expected of them, and in private they did everything that was not expected of them. The stuff they really wanted._

_But like all good things, it eventually all went to shit._

_They were able to hide their relationship for over a year. Now blossoming newly turned 17 year olds, hormones took control. It had been a particularly long week apart, Lexa’s foster family having gone out of state to visit a sick relative. Since meeting at camp, they had not gone a week without seeing each other. So finally, when Lexa arrived home she jumped on the bus and ran her way to Clarke’s house. Like any other time, when in the same room, it crackled with this type of energy, they were SO drawn to each other. It took them all of 30 second to meet in the middle, kissing frantically, pulling at each others clothes._

_“Never again” Lexa would huff against Clarke’s lips, referencing their time apart, Clarke nodding in agreement._

_It was pretty hard to deny what they were doing when Abbey walked in 20 minutes later. What with Lexa in between Clarke’s thighs, on her knees an all._

 

* * *

 

 

It seemed like everything snowballed from there. Flights were booked. Bags were packed. Anya and Raven agreed to babysit, they planned a 3-day trip. _At the longest Clarke argued._

The kids weren’t very happy at being left, well Aiden wasn’t, he cried. The twins couldn’t of cared less, they loved Anya and Raven _a lot_ and didn’t even look back when Lexa and Clarke left. Henry grumbled about having to be babysat, but agreed to help Anya and Raven out.

 

They said their goodbyes and left for the airport.

 

Clarke had been on autopilot since receiving the phone call. She had also been throwing up in the morning, stress Lexa assumed. Lexa wanted to get this visit over with so Clarke could make peace and they could move on with their lives. She knew it wasn’t going to be an easy few days. _That was putting it lightly._

They arrived in Washington, settled into their hotel and facetimed the children, Clarke felt at ease when with them. After some heavy coaxing from Lexa they managed some breakfast and set off for the hospital.

 

Tessa had given them very specific times, when Kane and his posse would leave and what time they usually came back. Clarke was grateful. She could just about face her mother, the other church members and the notorious leader were a different story. Lexa was sure if she were to run into Marcus her fist would most definitely end up in his jaw. Multiple times.

 

Tessa greets them outside of the hospital and Clarke cries. It has been years since Clarke had laid eyes on her, her heart clenched. She wished they weren’t meeting again in such difficult circumstances.

 

Clarke grew up in this hospital _(yes just like Meredith Grey)_ it was a place she spent a lot of her time. Her mother’s neurology team were like additional aunts and uncles to Clarke.

 

Tessa, Clarke had loved like a second mother. She was a heavy set woman, who use to give the best cuddles. Clarke always thought it was because she had a very large bosom, perfect for snuggling into, comforting and warm. She would sit on her lap and listen to her heartbeat, waiting for Abbey to finish surgery.

 

Tessa had loved Clarke like a daughter, only having had sons herself. When everything had played out with Abbey and them, Tessa stood by Abbey’s side, not agreeing with her, but scared of losing her job she remained silent. She had never forgiven herself for that silence. Clarke had told her she understood, but she could feel the abandonment on Clarke, see it in her eyes.  Her real mother and her surrogate mother. Nobody stood up for her, for them.

 

Consumed with grief Tessa visited Clarke and Lexa and their son Jake. She gave them a lump sum of money she had saved for her retirement. She told them to get out of state and make a life for themselves. They wouldn’t accept. She told them they had too, it was her wish. They did and they never looked back. It wasn’t nearly enough, but it appeased some of her guilt.

 

“Look at you.” Tessa hugs Clarke. “Beautiful as ever.” Her and Clarke pull apart, she turns to Lexa and offered her hand. Lexa refuses and gives her a hug. They both laugh.

 

She updated Clarke and Lexa on Abbey’s prognosis as they walked to the ward. Lexa was in awe of Clarke, her ability to switch on her medical persona, to separate feelings with fact, it astounded her. Clarke knew all the questions to ask to gather the facts, she asked about medications, surgeries, different trials.

 

She also knew the only person Clarke would allow herself to be weak in front of was Lexa. This was Clarke’s front, and boy was it a good one.

 

They reached Abbey’s door and stopped. Lexa’s heart was beating erratically out of her chest.

 

“I talk about you to her, when brushing her hair, I remind her about you and Lexa, your family, forgive me if I have overstepped but I found your son’s profile on Facebook, gosh isn’t he so grown up now.” Lexa laughed nodding.

 

“I printed some of the pictures, there’s one of you all, I showed it to Abbey, to remind her when she’s in her ‘forgetful stage’.” Lexa made a mental note to get Jake to change his privacy settings. She appreciated the sentiment though.

 

“Has she completely regressed, I mean what mother am I walking in to, the one who is disgusted with me or my old mother?” Clarke bit.

 

“She has moments of lucidity; I only talk about you when she can’t remember. It…it comforts her. I don’t know which version you are going to get Clarke. But she has asked about you when both lucid and not.” Clarke nods and faces the door, signaling to Lexa to hold her hand.

 

Tessa rested her hand on her shoulder.

 

“I know you know this, but I will never forgive myself for not speaking up for you, I will take the guilt with me to the grave.”

 

“Tessa, we can’t change the past and plus you’ve done enough, that money you gave Lexa and I, it…it changed out lives. We are indebted to you.” Clarke hugs Tessa once more.

 

“I should have said this back then, but I’m saying it now, I am so proud of you Clarke, for who you are, for standing up for what you believe in. I know your mother is too, the old Abbey, the one we all know. She’s proud of you too, she tells me.” Clarke closes her eyes and wills herself not to cry.

 

“So if you don’t hear it from your mother today, I will say it for both of us, I will say it until the day I no longer walk this earth. You are enough, you are worthy and I love you.” Clarke fails at holding in her tears, they fall down her cheeks freely. She turns back facing Abbey’s door and hastily wipes them away. Lexa makes eye contact with Tessa and nods, smiling a thank you. _She knows, Clarke loves her too._ Tessa smiles, resting her hand on her shoulder one last time, _one last bit of strength for Clarke_ and walks away.

 

Clarke pushes open Abbey’s door tightening her grip on Lexa’s hand.

 

_Here we go._

* * *

 

 

_They were kept apart. Forcefully._

_Made to attend extra sessions on their behaviour. Separately of course. How it was wrong, how they were going to be condemned if they carried on. Taught to see the errors of their ways. How they were sinners. Lesser beings. All because of who they loved._

_Abbey could barely look Clarke in the eye and when she did all Clarke saw was disgust._

_Karen phoned social services the next day to say her family could no longer care for Lexa. She needed to be rehomed, far away._

_They managed one tiny meeting, a week after they had been caught. It was 2am. Lexa told Clarke she was going to run away. How she couldn’t go back into foster care, how they had plans to take her out of state. Away from Clarke.  She only had 10 months until she was 18, she would find somewhere to stay until she became of age._

_Clarke had never seen Lexa cry. She was hysterical. She held her, whispering that she wasn’t going to lose her._

_Clarke’s whole world fell apart._

_She couldn’t lose Lexa, but she felt like she couldn’t leave her mum._

_“Give me until tomorrow evening, let me talk to my mother Lex. She…she doesn’t know what she’s saying. I’m going to talk to her make her see sense ok? Just hold out until tomorrow, I will meet you here at 7 ok? I’ll have a plan.” She promised Lexa, left her with a brisk kiss on the lips and rushed home._

_Abbey was waiting for her. She was angry._

_She went on and on about the teachings of the bible, of the shame she had brought the family, how her behaviour was wrong, sinful, improper, how Clarke would go to hell, would not be welcomed into the kingdom. Clarke didn’t recognise the woman in front of her._

_“There is no Kingdom, for fuck sake mother wake up!” Clarke wanted to shake Abbey._

_“Look at me, it’s me Clarke, your little girl, I’m right here, I’m fucking real.” They were having a stand off, throats sore from screaming at each other._

_“You’re no child of mine.” Abbey whispered. It had an impactful affect on Clarke. She felt like she had been hit physically._

_“All you and dad ever taught me was love, how to love others, how to love myself, how to love this world” Clarke swallowed._

_“I’m in love with Lexa.”_

_“You don’t know what love is, she…she has poisoned you, we can get you the correct help Clarke.”_

_“How is two people in love wrong?”_

_“Love is between a man and a woman Clarke.”_

_“Says who? A book wrote 2000 years ago?”_

_“Clarke I lost your father, I can’t lose you too, you won’t be allowed in to paradise, you won’t be able to be reunited with your father, when he comes, which he will, you well be sent to hell”_

_“Mum, nobody is coming, dad is dead. There is no afterlife. We have this life, right here right now. This life is you and I…that’s it, this is all we get. You can’t be this...this brainwashed.”_

_“Your mind is poison Clarke, these types of thoughts and behaviours are like a cancerous growth, please Clarke speak to Kane, do…this for me?” Abbey looked panicked. Clarke could see she genuinely believed in what was saying. Clarke knew she was fighting a losing cause. She took a deep breath to calm herself._

_She went to turn away but Abbey grabbed her by the wrist. Hard._

_“Clarke, you are a minor, you are under my care and I say this behaviour will stop, you’ll meet with Kane in the morning end of.”_

_“Get off me.” Clarke pulled her arm out of Abbey’s grasp, surprisingly strong and made her way to the door._

_“If you leave, you are never to come back Clarke, I will wash my hands of you.” Clarke stopped dead, hands on the door handle._

_“You know, for someone who preaches love and acceptance, the only person in this room who is spreading hate is you. Lexa has shown me more love in the 2 years that I’ve known her than any love you have ever given me.”_

_“It’s not love Clarke, it’s lust and it’s a deadly sin.” Clarke turned to look her mother in the eyes._

_“Dad would be absolutely disgusted by you."_

_She shut slammed the door and never looked back._

 TBC


End file.
